Thursday morning, the sun was shining, not too cold out, and it was about nine o'clock. There was still a layer of snow covering the ground but you could tell that it was slowly melting away. My mom entered my room waking me up for school as she does every day. I kept telling her and myself that I just needed five more minutes. This kept happening over and over again, and before i knew it a half hour went by. She was getting frustrated as I kept lying to both her and myself. However for some reason I just didn't have it in me to drag myself from the messy warm covers and deflated pillows that I had laid in all night. I'm not going to lie getting up has always been a struggle for me, but this time felt as if it was impossible.
Every morning I wake up, take a shower, get dressed, brush my teeth, and take my medicine. I recently got prescribed two different kinds of prescription meds. One is called Adderall and the other is Well Butron. Both of which are a much part of getting me through my day. This week the doctors threw me a curveball. They were unable to get my prescriptions filled for five days. When they told me I thought it would be no big deal, being that i've been functioning without these medications my whole life, what would five more days be?
This Thursday morning was the third day that I had not had my medications. the first day without them was a breeze. Still with a little bit of a struggle I was able to pop out of bed, get to school, after that I headed right to the gym, and then following that went right to work. As each day went by though I got more and more sluggish. I started to become irritable. When Thursday rolled around I woke up a whole new person. The sun was shining, The weather was perfect, and it was only nine o'clock. I was gloomy, my body temperature was dropping, and nine o'clock felt more like five o'clock. After a half hour of fighting with myself to get up, I gained the courage to rip the covers off. Chills instantly ran up and down my spine. I told myself to just focus on going through the motions, I took my shower, got dressed, and brushed my teeth. As I was brushing my teeth I looked in the mirror and what I saw reflecting back at me, didn't appear to look or feel like me at all. Looking back at me was the girl i used to know before I got prescribed this medication. No expression on her face, messy hair, bags laying under her eyes, slouched over, and miserable.
When I recently was prescribed this medication I was diagnosed with depression and ADHD. Before this medication I didn't realize how different I acted. I didn't remember this feeling of being alive but feeling so dead. how unavoidable this feeling was, and knowing that no matter how hard i tried to be positive and look in that mirror and try to tell myself to be happy, and stand tall, all's I could see myself getting smaller and smaller and want to crawl back into bed under those warm covers and sleep this feeling away.
The worst part was that getting up wasn't the hardest part. That Thursday morning after the struggle of getting up, getting ready, and facing this feeling, I had to go to school with a smile on my face and try to focus on what was going on around me. I went into my first class, and immediately felt the difference in how I looked, felt, and acted. My professor was talking, and explaining what was to be done for the next class, and all I could think was I don't give a fuck. Minutes felt like hours and I couldn't look at anything by my phone ,and the clock. I was looking down at my phone and could feel the professor's eyes keep glancing over at me, I knew he probably thought i was so rude, and was getting ticked off. Usually when i feel the professor is looking over at me as I use my phone I click it off and put it away but I didn't care, in my mind he was looking right past me. Ever when he spoke to me I didn't feel anything, I just kept going about what I was doing and ignored what he had to say.
The class finally came to an end, but of course I have to stay an hour after and get extra help. I usually don't mind it, but this time couldn't have felt like more of a waste of time. It wasn't until this very moment that I realized what my medication does for me anyhow it affects my mood. My professor looked over at me and asked me if everything was alright. At that moment I realized that I wasn't I was not okay. I apologized and told him my situation. I didn't expect pity, I honestly didn't really care what he was going to say. All's I cared about was getting out of here and going home to go to bed. However I didn't get the response I thought I was going to get. Instead of telling me to push through and telling me sometimes I have to do things that I don't want to to he suggested that it might be a good idea to use this as a learning experience and use it as my topic for the creative writing piece.
A day in the life of a student going to school and going thought the day without their medication can be lethal. Never did I ever think this kid would be me. I always perceived myself as "normal". Whatever that even is and didn't categorize myself as someone who needed assistance to get through my day. That 24 hours was the longest 24 hours of my life. I hope no one ever has to experience the feeling of being so empty and numb to the world around them. I hope that I never have to feel that way again either. it's funny how we all take advantage of things such as just pure happiness. Everyone is going to have bad days, weeks, months, maybe even years, but don't be afraid to get help because you're not alone.
Every morning I wake up, take a shower, get dressed, brush my teeth, and take my medicine. I recently got prescribed two different kinds of prescription meds. One is called Adderall and the other is Well Butron. Both of which are a much part of getting me through my day. This week the doctors threw me a curveball. They were unable to get my prescriptions filled for five days. When they told me I thought it would be no big deal, being that i've been functioning without these medications my whole life, what would five more days be?
This Thursday morning was the third day that I had not had my medications. the first day without them was a breeze. Still with a little bit of a struggle I was able to pop out of bed, get to school, after that I headed right to the gym, and then following that went right to work. As each day went by though I got more and more sluggish. I started to become irritable. When Thursday rolled around I woke up a whole new person. The sun was shining, The weather was perfect, and it was only nine o'clock. I was gloomy, my body temperature was dropping, and nine o'clock felt more like five o'clock. After a half hour of fighting with myself to get up, I gained the courage to rip the covers off. Chills instantly ran up and down my spine. I told myself to just focus on going through the motions, I took my shower, got dressed, and brushed my teeth. As I was brushing my teeth I looked in the mirror and what I saw reflecting back at me, didn't appear to look or feel like me at all. Looking back at me was the girl i used to know before I got prescribed this medication. No expression on her face, messy hair, bags laying under her eyes, slouched over, and miserable.
When I recently was prescribed this medication I was diagnosed with depression and ADHD. Before this medication I didn't realize how different I acted. I didn't remember this feeling of being alive but feeling so dead. how unavoidable this feeling was, and knowing that no matter how hard i tried to be positive and look in that mirror and try to tell myself to be happy, and stand tall, all's I could see myself getting smaller and smaller and want to crawl back into bed under those warm covers and sleep this feeling away.
The worst part was that getting up wasn't the hardest part. That Thursday morning after the struggle of getting up, getting ready, and facing this feeling, I had to go to school with a smile on my face and try to focus on what was going on around me. I went into my first class, and immediately felt the difference in how I looked, felt, and acted. My professor was talking, and explaining what was to be done for the next class, and all I could think was I don't give a fuck. Minutes felt like hours and I couldn't look at anything by my phone ,and the clock. I was looking down at my phone and could feel the professor's eyes keep glancing over at me, I knew he probably thought i was so rude, and was getting ticked off. Usually when i feel the professor is looking over at me as I use my phone I click it off and put it away but I didn't care, in my mind he was looking right past me. Ever when he spoke to me I didn't feel anything, I just kept going about what I was doing and ignored what he had to say.
The class finally came to an end, but of course I have to stay an hour after and get extra help. I usually don't mind it, but this time couldn't have felt like more of a waste of time. It wasn't until this very moment that I realized what my medication does for me anyhow it affects my mood. My professor looked over at me and asked me if everything was alright. At that moment I realized that I wasn't I was not okay. I apologized and told him my situation. I didn't expect pity, I honestly didn't really care what he was going to say. All's I cared about was getting out of here and going home to go to bed. However I didn't get the response I thought I was going to get. Instead of telling me to push through and telling me sometimes I have to do things that I don't want to to he suggested that it might be a good idea to use this as a learning experience and use it as my topic for the creative writing piece.
A day in the life of a student going to school and going thought the day without their medication can be lethal. Never did I ever think this kid would be me. I always perceived myself as "normal". Whatever that even is and didn't categorize myself as someone who needed assistance to get through my day. That 24 hours was the longest 24 hours of my life. I hope no one ever has to experience the feeling of being so empty and numb to the world around them. I hope that I never have to feel that way again either. it's funny how we all take advantage of things such as just pure happiness. Everyone is going to have bad days, weeks, months, maybe even years, but don't be afraid to get help because you're not alone.